5:07 am Rant

omg!!!!!! here is sit another morning the victim of, "the bed is no longer comfortable to my achy pregnant body" syndrome. it's been 5 years since another life and i shared "space" and all the little things are pregnancy were forgotten! in my mind my first 2 pregnancy were perfect; i got big, suffered from the flu, and then had beautiful babies! i mean i even remember labor and delivery. with bree; the nurses gave me a shot of something wonderful, i went to sleep, i woke up and Sleaze was eating McDonalds, i cried, i pushed, and Bree was introduced to the world(labor 9 hrs). with da J; i arrived, we looked at free cable(oh yea!), Sleaze avoided holding my hand, i was in pain, i felt pressure, and da J was introduced to the world(8 hrs). bree was born minor cry, eyes open looked around as in shock. da J was screaming as if angry that he messed the good thing he had going. either way it was an experience i was willing to do again, to me pregnancy nor labor where that big of a deal. now i will admit i did not appreciate my nurse pressing with all her might on my stomach (who knew having a baby fall out of you would leave an area so sensitive), but i understand lingering blood cots are nothing but un-needed trouble. i could even accept the rock-hardness of my breast moments after delivery. that remedy was easy; time to breastfeed! but this pregnancy right here...this one right here...has definitely got me saying no more. now to some, being that this is my 3rd child, that's enough motivation to stop having babies. oh and i agree. i do not want to be a momma that keeps having children she can't afford, only for them to say how shitty their life was when i'm gone. 3 is plenty, plenty money to spend and plenty of love to give.....BUT...... i love being a mom! my children(even though they get on my last 3.5 nerves) bring a joy to my life i used to didn't think i deserved. my children make me feel needed, make me feel purposed, make me know i am a good person despite what my Aunt has to say. honestly my kids gave me a reason to live and that's real talk.

but this last pregnancy has been the hardest one so far! i wanna believe it's due to me being a little older, i was 19 and 23 the other times..and now i sit at the tender age of 28 wondering why my body feels so differently. my feet swell faster, my back ached sooner, and the pelvis feels like it can no longer hold even my weight let alone that of another person. i usually end up sleeping the whole day away, waking only to eat, go to the bathroom and then it's usually back to sleep. but my man and children have really been supportive, allowing me to pass out as needed, and for that i am very thankful! i guess what i am saying is this; i love my children, i'm already in love with this baby, and i love being a mom...but all jokes aside...is it december 4th yet?

babies

brianna-6

brian jr-3

so ive been seeing all these cute kids lately. this is really making me want another one! i know i already have two children, brianna-6 and brian jr-3, but i could go for one more. i enjoy being a mother, its makes me feel grand to walk into a room and my children run to greet me. it makes me feel special. i feel loved and appreciated.

i can still remember having brianna. at that point in my life i had never been around children. especially not a newborn! but there i was walking out the hospital holding a newborn, that belonged to me. so i get to my mother's house and its me, sleaze and baby brianna. but sleaze eventually has to leave and my mother goes to sleep. so finally me and baby bree are alone. i can truly admit that this was one of the scariest moments of my life. what the hell was i going to do if she woke up? what if she starts crying uncontrollably? where is her moth.....er.....oh that's right im her mother.......
damn....

but that was almost 7 yrs ago and as stated, ive added another one. and bringing bj home was completely different. i was more prepared and less nervous about messing up. i will admit that bree was more active as a baby, but that's because bree has always been a little diva.

i enjoy being a parent. sure i struggle, sure they get on my nerves, but i would not trade them for anything. last saturday my kids were gone and it was "weird" having no children. of course mr. sleaze and i had fun, but when we got home it was so quiet. too quiet! i do not know how single people, with no children, occupy their free time( well at least when not spending money). i enjoy having someone to care and buy clothes for. i actually enjoy shopping more for my children than i do myself. i look forward to doing bree's hair, and i really enjoy acting like a total ass in public with my children, all for the sake of having fun.

i truly believe my children are my saviors. me not having a close-knit family was going to eventually drive me crazy. because i am a very emotional person, and not having love in my life was going to cause me to lose my mind. but once i had bree, i instantly knew what my purpose in life was. to have children and raise them to be valuable members of society. and i except my role with a smile and graciousness. i used to complain about my life, but i realized quickly, im one of the lucky ones.

Lady Sleaze out...peace