Jobs

I'm so tired of people saying that if you want a Job to just apply. To get off your ass and apply and all the doors will be open. Bullshit....I've been applying to jobs for a while and have gotten nowhere. I've been putting in applications for over 5 months and not a bite. Not one bite.....so what say ye now?  Why do jobs even post on the internet if they really have no intentions of really calling anyone?  And then when I call why am I the bad guy for trying to show my true interest in your company. You would think HR people would be impressed by things like that. Well not anymore. It's frowned upon.....Oh well right ?

I hate my life......

I hate my job.
I hate that I don't make any money at my job.
I hate that I havent accomplished anything.
I hate that I can't find happiness in a relationship.
I hate that I don't have a social life.
I hate that all my friends are more successful than I am.
I hate the fact that no REAL companies wanna hire me and help me and my kids get out the projects.
I hate the fact that I'm fat.
I hate the fact that my kid's father won't be true to Just me and be willing to do anything to make our family work.
I hate that life is passing me by and I'm missing out on everything.
I hate that my kids are prettier than me.
I hate that I'm so miserable and too lazy to do anything about it.
I hate my life and I'm the only one that can change it but the real question is will I?
I hate the fact that I don't know the answer to that question because right now I'm too depressed to do anything but be depressed.
I Wish I could find a time machine so I could go back to a time when I was happy and live there.

Life is a bitch.....

O.m.g. What the hell is going on with the job market these days. Why the fuck are companies willing to slave the few people they have to the bone instead of hiring people and pay them decent wages?  Why can't I live too? Managers walking round talking about their bonuses while I'm just asking for a cost living increase. Damn....why can't I live you? Why must I give 100% at all costs while the others don't give anything? I'm tired of hearing how I'm so wonderful but where's my money? Why do I feel like I kept more money when I won't working than when I am?

Priorities

I have priorities i just don't know how to stick with them. Most times I start out really with good intentions but the motivation slumps quickly.  Like now my new goal is to get accepted into St. Mary's School of Medical Imaging to become a radiologic technician. This is going to require a lot of effort on my part. I am going to have to take a few classes and do some studying but in 3 years it would have all paid off. I would leave school with the ability to make good money and not worry about my finances and be able to give my kids the life they deserve. But.....there's a snag. I owe US Dept of Ed so much money that I no longer qualify for loan money. The program costs $11 and I think its an understatement to say I don't have money like that.  But I gotta find the money so I can make this dream a reality. As I get more information and clearity Ill post it.

Beauty

people used to say beauty is only "skin deep" and that what was on the inside was what really mattered. i remember growing up thinking i kinda pretty on the outside but i knew i was damn beautiful on the inside. well 30 years later, i think society has dropped that notion and if the beauty can't be seen it WILL NOT be reconized. what happened and where was I?

5:07 am Rant

omg!!!!!! here is sit another morning the victim of, "the bed is no longer comfortable to my achy pregnant body" syndrome. it's been 5 years since another life and i shared "space" and all the little things are pregnancy were forgotten! in my mind my first 2 pregnancy were perfect; i got big, suffered from the flu, and then had beautiful babies! i mean i even remember labor and delivery. with bree; the nurses gave me a shot of something wonderful, i went to sleep, i woke up and Sleaze was eating McDonalds, i cried, i pushed, and Bree was introduced to the world(labor 9 hrs). with da J; i arrived, we looked at free cable(oh yea!), Sleaze avoided holding my hand, i was in pain, i felt pressure, and da J was introduced to the world(8 hrs). bree was born minor cry, eyes open looked around as in shock. da J was screaming as if angry that he messed the good thing he had going. either way it was an experience i was willing to do again, to me pregnancy nor labor where that big of a deal. now i will admit i did not appreciate my nurse pressing with all her might on my stomach (who knew having a baby fall out of you would leave an area so sensitive), but i understand lingering blood cots are nothing but un-needed trouble. i could even accept the rock-hardness of my breast moments after delivery. that remedy was easy; time to breastfeed! but this pregnancy right here...this one right here...has definitely got me saying no more. now to some, being that this is my 3rd child, that's enough motivation to stop having babies. oh and i agree. i do not want to be a momma that keeps having children she can't afford, only for them to say how shitty their life was when i'm gone. 3 is plenty, plenty money to spend and plenty of love to give.....BUT...... i love being a mom! my children(even though they get on my last 3.5 nerves) bring a joy to my life i used to didn't think i deserved. my children make me feel needed, make me feel purposed, make me know i am a good person despite what my Aunt has to say. honestly my kids gave me a reason to live and that's real talk.

but this last pregnancy has been the hardest one so far! i wanna believe it's due to me being a little older, i was 19 and 23 the other times..and now i sit at the tender age of 28 wondering why my body feels so differently. my feet swell faster, my back ached sooner, and the pelvis feels like it can no longer hold even my weight let alone that of another person. i usually end up sleeping the whole day away, waking only to eat, go to the bathroom and then it's usually back to sleep. but my man and children have really been supportive, allowing me to pass out as needed, and for that i am very thankful! i guess what i am saying is this; i love my children, i'm already in love with this baby, and i love being a mom...but all jokes aside...is it december 4th yet?

Happy Thanksgiving 2009!!!

Like anyone really checks this blog anyways, but I wanted to stop by and say happy turkey day! Today is the day we all are supposed to be thankful for the things we have in our lives, and I am thankful. But I find it interesting that most people will resort back to their un-thankful ways just as soon as they get up from the table. I tell people all the time that I am blessed and that is more than a saying. I get up every morning, thankful that I'm still here. I know there is someone, somewhere that "woke up" some place else. I am thankful for the fact that my children are healthy and full of life and energy. I am thankful for being able to say I am thankful.

People sometimes don't understand me. Why the hell is she so happy all the time? What's making her smile. Sometimes I dignify the person with some bullshit, but most times I just smile knowing I've fucked their head up for the day. See I say I'm blessed because I can remember where I came from.I'm not completely where I want to be, but I'm further than I was two years ago. Shit I'm further than I was a couple of months ago.

The way I look at it, we should all be thankful, everyday, all the time. Because best a believe there is someone, somewhere wishing they had the little that you do; so they could say; I'm so thankful. Just felt like typing. Happy Turkey Day.

Sleaze - The Ocarina of Rhyme

Wsup friends?! Yep, you guessed it. Ocarina of Rhyme time...Just ten days until Sleaze releases his first mixtape in over 5 years! It pays excellent homage to the master conductors over at Nintendo, and the one & only Link. On the mixtape, he talks about all issues including: the current state of hip-hop, growing up hard, and remaining fresh in a world full of negativity and boredom. The central themes of this mixtape circulate around the imaginary life of Link and the parallels they share. Check the official tracklist below!

1. Intro
2. Theme Song
3. A Link To The Past
4. The Legend Of Sleaze
5. Goron Interlude
6. Potions
7. Ocarina Funk (Inst.)
8. Belly Interlude
9. The Treasure
10. The Battles
11. Sweet Victory
12. Garo
13. Code Link
**BONUS TRACK**

March 17th, 2009
-- [ SOURCE ]

My Best Friend Pt 4: The Mini-Diva

she was born march 26 ,2002 at 9:36pm. she weighed 9 and a half pounds and was 19.5 inches long. she is my first born child and the reason i love life. she is one of the reasons that i can smile, most of the time. she is six years old, soon to be seven but to me she's already grown.

this is my nomination for best friend number four: Bree

brianna is a wonderful spirit. she has such a kind heart even though she can be selfish at times. but i love that aspect of her because to me that means she is not going to be afraid to stand up for herself. currently is on the honor roll, reading on a second grade level and is excelling in math. i look at her and see so much of myself. and sometimes its scary but for the most part im proud. proud to know that this young lady will defy the odds.this young lady will be successful because i am going to be apart of her life forever. although she does not know it yet, we are best friends.

so this my nomination for best friend number 4: Brianna Lorraine Davis
my first born

Countdown To The Sims 3

RIP Uncle Keith

its sad. i dont have a good picture to put up here for him. but my uncle passed on wednesday. he was 49 yrs old and that shit is shocking to me. what is really upsetting is that i have been trying to get in contact with him for a year. it seems like each time i called he was not home or too busy to talk, and now well never talk again.

my favorite memories of him stem from my 18th year of life. my freshman year at vcu was so fun. he was living off of meadow st, so he was really close to campus. i would go over there and trip with him between classes. he was the only one in my family that i felt i could be myself around. some days i would think he was my father because he was so easy to talk to. and i mean about anything. and now he is gone. i know he is in a better place, free from suffering, free from harm. and that makes me smile.

The Youth of the Black Man

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/12/09/MNS1RBLQ5.DTL

so i was reading this story. and it instantly angered me! the black youth of the country are being let down. and in this case its not the White mans fault, its the Black man fault. and he(the black man) needs to know that if we do not clean up our act, future generations of black americas are going to be born and instantly placed in the system because.......we are becoming monsters.

this article is about the youth of oakland ca. in the article it discuss how drugs, sex and money are ruining the black family. there is no reason why a child can be born into this, the free world, and immediately be robbed of all the things that make them a child. and it is a sad situation. young men are being forced into a life style of crime because if they resist they will be considered "less of a man". and it should not be like that. there is no reason that a child should ever feel bad because they want to learn or have the desire to advance.

children should never have to face adult problems, it takes their innocence. it makes them mad at the world. it makes them feel like they are owed something because they had to work so hard to just get the little things they need in life.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=99152418